are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
