I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
