can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
