i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rumble strips road head = magical
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
