OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
