just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
