barbara walters just said penis...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
