gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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