He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
