just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
