It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
