Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
