Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
