My first STD was from a foam party
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
