i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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