I wish my penis had an off switch
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
