there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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