i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Two words: nipple clamps
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