His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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