And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
