she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
