You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
