She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
