why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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