Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
