You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
