I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
