I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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