Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
