I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
