Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
