You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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