its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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