So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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