They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
