make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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