I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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