Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
