You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
