You're completely useless in the revolution.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
sex in a hospital.. check
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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