I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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