dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
