I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize