No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
