apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
