it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
