Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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