So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
