I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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