Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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