dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
