Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize