Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
