Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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