my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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