best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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