Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
