I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
