So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
