I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
