I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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