I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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