part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
