you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
