he wants to bone in the snuggie
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
