The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
