So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So much rum. So many feels.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
