sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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