What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
