they need to just BURY HIM!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize