I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Man, jail baloney is awful.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize