Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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