She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
