there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
