remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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