OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
