After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
