I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
