i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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