you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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