If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
