I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
