I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize