THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
