So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
