Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
