walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
