I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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