My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
