I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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