My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
